


Chicken Strips

by Soaring_through_the_stars



Series: Jodie Foster, Stripper [1]
Category: Dungeons and Daddies (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Jodie Foster is a stripper, Jodie's trapped in a lie and has no idea how to get out of it lmao, Unfortunate Circumstances, no editing, this is literally just a thought of what if jodie is actually a stripper and hid it with extremes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 14:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30073431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soaring_through_the_stars/pseuds/Soaring_through_the_stars
Summary: Jodie Foster is a highway patrol officer, keeping the world safe one bachelorette party at a time.Wait a second, that's not how this is supposed to go!
Relationships: Jodie Foster (Dungeons and Daddies) & Nick Close
Series: Jodie Foster, Stripper [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2214369
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12
Collections: Good Cop Bad Cop





	Chicken Strips

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even remember what I wrote in this story that I finished 10 minutes ago, but here it is.

Jodie sighs as he closes the door, night fallen and the babysitter gone as Nicholas’ bedtime was hours ago. He’ll admit that he’s tired, his nights have been later than ever, and the volume of requests he has to decline or avoid is astronomical.

Clothes already in disarray, it’s no hardship to take off the hastily redone tie and slip his boots off.

Flicking on the kitchen light should also refrain from being a hardship, but apparently not when there’s a little gremlin child _climbing on the counter reaching for the cookies and staring at him, how did he even get there???? He’s only five???_

Casually disguising his—totally manly—yelp into a cough, Jodie walks over and picks Nicholas up, tapping him on the nose and making him giggle as he talks. “Now what are you doing up young man, didn’t Evan send you off to bed?”

Nicholas grabs back at Jodie’s nose, avoiding the question and instead asking, “Where were you?”

“I was working, silly. How else am I going to buy you strawberries and stuffed lions?”

Nicholas gasps at the reminder, squirming to be set down and running off to his room, returning with his favorite stuffed lion, almost as big as he is that he got when they went to the zoo last year. “Did you get Simba a friend? He’s been lonely.”

“No, not yet. Simba wants to become really good friends with you before he gets another one, ok? It’ bed time now, let’s get you both snuggled into bed, mkay?” Jodie scoops Nicholas in one arm and Simba in the other, walking a few steps into Nicholas’ bedroom and tucking him in. “Don’t forget that Evan’s picking you up tomorrow, be good for him.”

“Okay, I will.” Nicholas falls asleep almost instantly, cookies forgotten, cuddling Simba.

Jodie retreats into the bathroom, glad that Nicholas settled down easily for once. The shower is burning, but still not good enough to erase the glitter and scratches that are luckily hidden by normal clothes.

Hey, at least it pays well, and nobody was too handsy at this bachelorette party.

* * *

When Jodie walks into the apartment the next day, he isn’t surprised by the little pattering of feet that comes his way as soon as the door closes. Quickly slipping Evan $50, he goes to meet the person those feet belong to.

“Daddy, Daddy, Robbie’s mom wears the same thing you do!!”

The smile on Jodie’s face freezes, “Uh, what do you mean, buddy? A lot of people wear clothes like I do.”

“Her clothes were blue and she had sunglasses and she looked _so cool!_ She wore the same clothes you wore last night, do you work with the police, Daddy? That’s so cool! Can we go down to the place with all of the other people too? _Please???_ ”

Uh.

Oh no.

Oh god.

“Sorry buddy but I, uh,” Jodie furiously looks around because he sure as hell isn’t a cop, finally landing out the window to the road beyond stretching into the distance, “I’m a highway cop, which means I don’t go down to the precinct.”

Nicholas pouts for a second before his face brightens back up. “Ok! I wanna tell all of my friends though!”

And then he runs out of the room, leaving Jodie with nothing but shock at what just happened and a desperate need to start rescheduling some hours with his boss.

* * *

As the years pass by, Jodie feels like he has a good handle on this lying-to-your-son-and-all-of-the-people-he-knows-about-being-a-cop thing.

As in, he handles all of his problems instantly and way over the top.

He didn’t mean for his kid to prefer khakis and polos over shorts and t-shirts, but what is he supposed to do when Nicholas actually developed a severe powerful liking for military and war movies, and when Paul Blart is his favorite character?

And he knows many parents have contingency plans for emergencies, and so giving Nicholas a flashbang isn’t that big of a deal, right? That’s something a cop would do. Give their child a semi-dangerous explosive that can easily and instantly incapacitate multiple adults.

Jodie has found himself mentally apologizing to Nicholas’ birth parents multiple times, but also maybe they shouldn’t have left their three year old child in a park for him to find and have Nicholas imprint on, so actually he doesn’t feel too bad.

Interactions with one Darryl Wilson are increasingly fraught, because he shows a weird level of support and trust in the police, and Jodie feels even guiltier when Darryl asks him moral questions and accepts his answers, because in reality his previous night involved an uncomfortable amount of bills in his waistband.

He doesn’t know how he finds himself accepting Darryl’s offer to carpool to Nicholas’ soccer game, nor how he ended up in that car with not only Darryl Wilson and his son but also Henry Oak and his boys, all of whom are less than appreciative of cops; Ron Stampler and his stepson, the former seemingly content with staring at him and not appearing to look away or even blink once; and Darryl’s friend Glenn Close, who doesn’t have a kid and is glaring at him and _is just smoking weed in the Odyssey??_ Yeah, better to look away and not get asked why he isn’t reporting this.

And then, of course, they’re all sucked into a bright purple portal.

We all know how this goes.

* * *

Jodie thinks he manages to bs some good Cop MoralsTM during their… harrowing… adventures.

However, he doesn’t know how any of this stuff is going to turn out.

First, he’s left behind with the kids when the rest of the dads go with Glenn for his trial or something. Like, he understands that Glenn maybe—definitely—hates him, but he thought they had gotten closer through their shared hardships and treacherous experiences.

Then the dads come back _without Glenn_ , and they are also acting super weird? Like, asking him who he is and things like that. It’s obvious they’re shocked by Glenn losing his trial, but he’s getting excluded _yet again_ from dad huddles this time. Dad huddles! They’re trying to leave him with _Walter_ of all people!

A complete outrage.

The normal shenanigans are had, and then the gelatinous cube confiscates every weapon they have, including his bubble gun he painted black to look like a real gun, which that at least is probably a good thing to be rid of. Getting thrown into prison is surprisingly painless.

Glenn’s situation is… not ideal. Suddenly being 50, extremely buff in one arm, and missing an eye when you have actually only been gone a couple days would shock anyone.

There’s a buzzing in his pocket, and Jodie fishes out his phone to see “Morgan” on the screen, aka the cover name for his boss Steve. It was tough to convince Nicholas that he had to have a fake name down as a girlfriend because sometimes he had classified jobs to do, but Jodie managed to do it through pure luck.

Glenn’s outrage over the call is another shock, but luckily it is quickly glossed over.

Glenn holding him against the wall by his collar and attempting to throw him at some guards, however, is _not_ because Jodie did not gain all of these core, leg, and arm muscles just to not use them when a maybe-frenemy turns more into an animosity-filled acquaintance.

Jodie barely prevents himself from stripping all the way down when he takes off his belt to corral the giant bird, but like everything else he somehow manages with no explanation for why. There is also no explanation for why after all of the events and animosity today that Glenn all of a sudden starts cuddling him from behind on the bird, and Jodie actually feels pretty safe with Glenn’s one buff and one regular arm around him??

Mostly on the left side though.

The escape itself smoothly—in his terms, at least—completes. Finally a break.

And then Henry had to go and open his mouth.

There’s no way that this can be true. Nicholas not actually his son? Glenn actually being his parent? The only reason he’s a parent now to his beautiful, brave son is because Glenn was convicted of being a bad father? His entire life revolves around the whims of justice deciding he is a better parent than Glenn? His decision to adopt the child he found was not his own?

The absurdity of the entire situation makes him want to laugh and cry, but he doesn’t.

Instead, when Nicholas asks if plan FB is a go, the plan he never thought would actually be used, Jodie nods.

As they sprint out of there toward the castle, Jodie thinks this might be the perfect time to tell Nicholas some truths.

Definitely with heavy editing though. No way is he describing how Nicholas’ five year old self saw him returning from a bachelorette party as a cop stripper is the reason that he’s been lying about his occupation all of this time.

Maybe he’ll change it to Nicholas told everyone he was a cop and he couldn’t refute without revealing his actual occupation. Yeah, that’ll work.

Oh god this is going to be a disaster.


End file.
